ANGRYBlogging: Puteri Indonesia 2010

8 Oct

All of the HILARRRR gifs used in the following posts are mostly obtained during my trip to the wonderful world of ONTD Football. Thank you for all the amazing gif-makers out there!

Hiya peeps. As it has been a tradition of this blog, I am doing you all a favor by marching through this torturous 3-hour pageant for you. What was painful for me (and my back), I hope would be HILARIOUS to you. A little recap: THEY HAVEN’T CHANGED. The organizers are still a bunch of closeted high-life wannabes who think that soprano-singing and high-end kebaya equals HIGH CLASS. In addition to that, they still haven’t figured out any sense of TIME or ENTERTAINMENT. On the bright side, they seem to have found new ways to induce our nightmares this year, so kudos!

Sammy, Cass, and Dean invite you to this trainwreck AFTER THE JUMP!!

I really can’t justify my lateness in tuning in to this atrocious pageant. But at least I missed half of the truly atrocious soprano thingy and GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE (the speeches, the awkward smiling-till-your-teeth-turns-dry, and the inane performances).

Seriously, did the organizer (YPI) and whoever is responsible for this atrociousness ever watch the Miss Universe pageant? I am currently breaking up in laughter comparing the opening of both productions:


Miss Universe: the JAMMIN’ Commander – David Guetta feat Kelly Rowland (PS: I LOVEEEEE THIS TRACK)

While

Puteri Indonesia 2010: WHA TO THE HUH? SOPRANO SONG FROM the Walkman of a socially-challenged 60-year old with scoliosis?

Yeah, Xabi, what is it?

I rest my case.

I just started tuning in at 9 PM, and apparently I didn’t miss a thing since they’re just about to announce the top 10. What on earth have they been doing on the last hour? Monkey show? Donkey show? Cooking exhibition? A whole set of Body Combat 45? Jesus effing Christ!!!!!

NOW LET’S CHECK OUT THE TOP 10!!!

1. DIY – Heh. I like her pics that were posted in Misso, but honestly, her live performance doesn’t live up to the hype. I blame the make-up. She looks like a young Ida Iasha (yeah I’m old)
2. Gorontalo – See above.
3. DKI 4 – She’s pretty and sweet looking.
4. Maluku – PS. Choky stop spazzing. Heh. I only see her NOSE.
5. Bali – Wow she’s a dark horse. She’s pretty in pink
6. Jambi – Too Chinese.
7. Jateng – Too ordinary looking. AND WTF WITH THE CAMERA WORK!
8. DKI 6 – too ordinary looking
9. Sumbar – WTFFFFF IT IS WITH THE CAMERA BLOCKING!!!! I DIDN’T SEE HER FACE AT ALL!!!
10. DKI 5 – Heh, I like her.

Wow the mega favorites, Kalimantan Tengah (Aelyn) and the heavily hyped Sumut DID NOT MAKE IT!!!

The hosting and the music and the EVERYTHING¬† of this pageant is whacked. Somehow this fact doesn’t surprise me.

OH SHIT I DID NOT MISS THE SPEECHES!!!! WHY GOD WHY!!!!!!!!

Commercials.

Back again. I’m betting the top 10 is going to parade again like the Bride of Chuckie before they’re allowed to speak. I can’t even…

DIY – Her walk is nervous. Her face is not that impressive, rather old-looking even.
Gorontalo – Fierce walk, and her effort to connect to the audience is great!
DKI 4 – Great gown but I don’t like her fake smile
Maluku – walks as if she’s carrying a whole set of gendongan jamu
Bali – The gown is AWFUL but she’s pretty. And nervous as fuck.
Jambi -Her walk is UGH. Trying too hard to be sexy, and looks like a failed Jaipongan dancer instead
Jateng – HONEY CHILL. YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT. Stop walking as if you’re 6 months pregnant and unmarried.
DKI 6 – Eh, her teefs.
Sumbar – My mom is sitting next to me and she cannot stop saying how “unfortunate” her face is. her words not mine.
DKI 5 – My mom says her armpits need some waxing. But she said that she’s prettier. I don’t like her walk, but at least her smile is nice to see.

And now they’re allowed to talk!!!

DIY yeah she’s nervous
Q: What is independence to you and do you think indo is currently independent?
A: Yeah… I can’t even. She just cited the textbook definish of independence. Were you drugged backstage? Bye, honey.

Gorontalo – love her walk
Choky you are borderline creepy.
Q: Traditional culture is currently been preserved to its fullest, is there a negative side to it?
A: Shaky. Cites women’s role in tradition, but a poor one at that. Still better than DIY though.

DKI 4
Yeah she’s purdyyy. And Choky is still creepy. Nadia stop giving some finalists unfair advantages. Srsly brief these people!
Q: What needs to be done to get future generation
A: WHAT! Enzyme??????? BITCH STOP OVERREACHING. HOW AWFUL. I CAN’T EVEN! WHYYYYY ARE THE PRETTY ONES SO DUMB MAN I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW I CAN’T EVEN IUGSAIDGJAYSFGDSHGH!!!!!!!

Maluku — WHY IS SHE WALKING HUNCH-BACKED RIGHT NOW?????
GOD PLEASE DON’T LET HER BE DUMB. (and fix her nose, kthxbye)
Q: Culture is so broad. What is the use of music?
A: Music is important to shape our character because it helps us to love our country and harmony and the world. Or something. Yeah. I can’t even. At least she answered it without wanting to cry afterwards. UPGRADE.

Bali – Purdy. PLEASE DON’T BE DUMB.
I like her, she’s spunky.
Q: What’s the negative effect of globalization and what can be done to preserve our nation?
A: There are four pillars of our nation, Pancasila, UUD, NKRI, and Bhineka Tunggal Ika so that our country is strong.
Yeah. She’s the least dumb of all. Current frontrunner. I don’t like her answer though. Needs more personality

Jambi – her face is too ordinary
Q: What is the contribution of our handicraft industry?
A: Increase income, increase jobs, increase our awareness to our culture, and … some stuff.
WHYYYYYY ARE THE ANSWERS SO MUNDANE AND BLAH. WHYYY ARE THE QUESTIONS ALL CAME FROM 6th GRADE EBTANAS???? I CAAAAAN’T EVEN!

Jateng – eh.
Q: About women and nation-building. What are the impeding factor that stops women from building this nation?
A: internal: lack of education and nrimo mentality; external: gender bias and the lack of decision making and patriarchism.
Better answer. Better question. Better candidate. Pity about the face.

DKI 6 – The TEEFS.
Q: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (sorry the question begins with a RIDIC overstatement of PI’s role in any community) What can Puteri Indonesia do to save the forest of Borneo?
A: PI can cooperate and educate the local community of Borneo. yeah she answered longer than that, I’m doing you a favor by summing it up. Trust me you’re not missing much.
She’s OK. Because of the previous first four contestants’ brain farts, she’s going to be in.

Sumbar – Eh. My mom is right.
Q: What is our generation’s biggest challenge?
A: How to protect ourselves from being robbed of our national identity and being replaced by foreign identity.
EH. She sounds like she’s reading from an FPI manifesto. At least her words are intelligible.

DKI 5 – Too ordinary looking.
Q: About old buildings and modern buildings.
A: OH MAN. She’s answering oratory-style. I can’t even get the gist, but basically she thinks that… yeah she didn’t answer the question, but she did it with a firm voice and a smile, so she’ll get a pass.

My prediction for top 5:
MAN. ALL OF THE PRETTY ONES ARE DISAPPOINTING TO THE MAX.
Top 5 would be Bali, DKI 5, Maluku, DKI 6, and I reaaaaaaally want Gorontalo to be in, but I think the PI judges value brain more than beauty so I think Jambi or Jateng would take her place instead.

The one thing I like about this “LOOK AT US WE’RE SO COOL WE’RE HIRING A ROCK BAND AS A CATWALK SONG!” performance is that I can edit and smooth my writing during it. With the voice set on mute.

Commercial break.
Back again.

WHAT IS THIS “DRUNKEN BELLY DANCER INTERPRETATION OF FINDING NEMO” DANCE? WHAT IS THAT ATROCIOUS HYBRID OF A CLOWN/PINATA/GENITAL WART? WHERE IS THE NEAREST CLIFF TO SHOVE THESE PEOPLE OFF OF? WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THAT GIANT VERSION OF AN EYE SHADOW AND LIPSTICK ACTUALLY HELP IN SELLING PRODUCTS? JESUS THESE PEOPLE ARE SO 1970’s, PLEASE SHOW THEM THE PATH TO REDEMPTION. SERIOUSLY WHAAAAAT ARE THOSE HIDEOUS CREATURES DANCING ON STAGE RIGHT NOW? THEY ARE MADE IN A 5 YEAR OLD NIGHTMARE, I AM SURE OF IT!!!!

This is me during this whole segment:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE NO MORE SOPRANO SHIT PLEASE GOD NO. Ok, it’s no soprano shit, but still shitty nonetheless.
They are delaying the inevitable: the elimination of the heavy favorites. Sigh.

Ximena Navarette, I feel your pain.

Top 5 announcement!!!!

I feel an ominous sign when Choky said that most of the judgement was done during their quarantine phase. I hope it’s a sign that the pretty ones still can make it.

NOW IT’S TIME!
1. DKI 4 —- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SEE THE PRETTY STILL HAVE HOPE!
2. DIY —- HAHAHAHAHAHA THE JUDGEMENT IS SOOOOO BIASED TO THE PRETTY
3. Bali —- Well deserved, honey.
4. Jambi —- yeah okay
5. Gorontalo —– WOW THE JUDGES ARE SO WHACK TONIGHT!

OMG. Let my Gerard Pique sums it up for you:

Gila. What is the use of the questions if they already decided who’s going to be in anyway, except to subject us to bad performance and product-shoving? This system is so unfair to those who actually managed to conquer their nerves and answered well. I just puked a little in my mouth from all the disgust.

These people are robbing us in the open. I can’t believe I’m still falling for it.

Qory, why did you gain so much weight?

Now here’s a parade of past winners.
1992 – Indira Sudiro — wow she’s still so pretty for her age. Her body is actually better than Qory’s
1994 – Venna Melinda — ROTFL OMG . At least she’s not salsa-ing down the ramp so THANK GOD.
1996 – Alya Rohali — She’s preggo.
2000 – Bernika Ifada — heh. Looks like another Ibu-ibu pesantren
2001 – Angelina Sondakh — UGH I HATE THIS PRETENTIOUS BISH.
2002 – Melanie Putria — I used to meet her at the gym in Combat classes. She’s OK.
2004 – Artika Sari Devi — Everyone’s favorite who actually looks even more beautiful AFTER her reign
2005 – Nadine C — ROTFL she’s always gonna be “Indonesia is a beautiful city with a lot of beautiful bitches” to me.
2006 – Agni P — I like her. She’s OK
2007 – Putri Raemawasti — She’s not as pretty as some of our queens, but I love her spunk!!!
2008 – Zivanna Letisha — WHO WAS ROBBED DURING MISS UNIVERSE 2009 SERIOUSLY I CAN’T EVEN!!!!!! Well honestly she can’t win anything in that atrocious gown!!!
2009 – Qory — UGH. I can’t even start with this girl. What a pretty face, yet what a disappointment. So much FAKERY in her speech. Ay ay ay ay GTFO. Damn right she’s now “sudah menjadi ORANG BESAR.”

Here’s Indo’s rep for Miss International. Errr… I hope she’ll have fun in her vacation.

THE TELECAST IS WHACKED IN SEVEN THOUSAND DIFFERENT PLACES WOW WOW WOW

WOW.
Commercials

Back again with the top (WHACKED) five in Anne Avantie.

DKI 4 (a.k.a. The Judges Must Be On Drugs #1) – Yeah at least she’s pretty
DIY (a.k.a. The Judges Must Be On Drugs #2) – See above
Bali (the well-deserved one) – WHAT AN UNFORTUNATE HAIR STYLE!
Jambi (The Yeah-Okay One) – … still a “yeah okay” for me.
Gorontalo (a.k.a. The Judges Must Be On Drugs #3) – see comments from #1 and #2

No Choky, I don’t feel well and I don’t support this ridiculous program. I watch it in order to endlessly mock it.

Top 5 Questions. A.K.A. MORE BRAIN FARTS OMG THIS IS GOING TO BE PAINFUL/FUN!!!

DKI 4
Q: OH MAN. QUESTION ABOUT LAO FREAKING TZU. JESUS.
A: She’s going to answer in English. This is going to be a trainwreck/coup. She answered it well I think! It’s a coup.

DIY
Q: EH ada si Oneng. Njrit, Q about Rosseau about human’s freedom.
A: She think Rosseau’s right, and she answered it rather well. Maybe the drugs she ingested wore off.

Bali – COME ON GIRL I’M IN YOUR CORNER
Q: About how the winners are expected to smile and what is the meaning of a smile?
A: Smile is a form of a non-verbal communication and it has a lot of impact and blahblahblahblah about philosophical stuff. Yeah, EVERYONE ANSWERED WELL!

Jambi
Q: How to grow confidence?
A: Confidence comes from a happy heart and it comes from thankfulness and it comes from self-realization.
I still feel yeah okay about her even after her OK answer.

Gorontalo
Q: If you fail in this competition what will you do?
A: I will accept it and I feel like I already won, and I will use this experience to be better in the future.
Why was she answering like she was in the middle of choking from her own tears? Breathe girl, breeeeeeaaathe.

I AM CONFUSED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I was wrong about the judges preference this year (now they like beauty > brain), so based on that I’m going for:
DKI 4, DIY, Jambi.

Bye Bali. Sorry that you were robbed.

I can’t stand anymore fuckery after a tiring week so I’m muting the channel and turning on my iTunes. I love JoJo’s new single btw. It’s called “In The Dark.”

They’re back again.

They’re announcing the continental princesses (whatever those are). Geez these are determined by polling? How fucked up democratic!

The winners:
Sumatra – Sumut
Java – Jatim
Bali & Nusa Tenggara – Bali (yeah girl, at least you won something)
Kalimantan – Kalsel (WHAT. I THOUGHT KALTENG LED THIS SHIT A FEW MINUTES AGO. RECOUUUUUUNT!)
Sulawesi – Sulsel
East Indonesia – Maluku Utara

Talent Winner – Kalteng (the mega fave— at least she won something)
Congeniality – Papua (of course)
Miss Favorite – Kalteng (OH. So she was skipped on that continental stuff for this. Tomayto, tomato)

WHY IS THERE A FRESHLY-BUDDING CABBAGE PATCH GROWING ON TOP OF WARDIMAN’S HEAD????

Misses Intelligent: DKI 6, Kep. Riau, NTT (eh, she’s so miniature)

TOP THREE ANNOUNCEMEEEEEENTTTT!!!!!!
LOL Bali’s face is like FUCK MY LIFE.

1. DIY
2. DKI 4
4. Gorontalo

OH SHIT all three of “The Judges Must Be On Drugs” contestants are in! THE JUDGES MUST REALLY BE ON SOMETHING!!!!!

LOLLLLL and the hosts are actually shocked when the band cuts them LIKE THAT! Who is in charge of this stuff? Honey, find another job, seriously.

BRB Muting the TV, back on iTunes.

They’re back!

Ohai, Ximena! While she is pretty in her own right, I still think Rozanna Purcell (Ireland) was ROBBED!!!!! ROOOOBBED!!!!
And her interpreter is of the same quality as this whole show: WHACKED. Or on drugs. Or both.

Choky, shut up.

FINAL QUESTIOOOOOON!!!!!! (finally OMG I am so tired right now)

CHOKY SHUT UP.

FINAL Q: What would you do when you are involved in a controversy?

DIY: I think people can judge controversy all by themselves. We must be able to accept any critiques and suggestions from people.

DKI 4: We must take decision that create controversy. What’s important is to keep an honest heart all through it. (and she looks a hair away from an EPIC wailing)

Gorontalo: God never promises an easy life, but he promised that we can live a great life if we hold on to our values.

HEH. WHAT IS THIS. I DON’T LIKE ANY OF THESE ANSWERS.

My prediction based on the answer I hate the least: DIY, Gorontalo, DKI 4.
But, the judges usually like any answers that include the word “DIOS” in it, so Gorontalo could win this thing.

Let’s see AFTER THE COMMERCIALS!

2nd Runner-up: Gorontalo (WHAT!)
1st Runner-up (usually goes to Miss International): DIY (WHAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Winner (will go and wear bikinis/one-piece swimwear in Miss Universe—seriously every year that’s all that matter):
DKI 4 (OMG WHAT IS THIS I CAN’T EVEN WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AIUGHIUABKJSAY)

Take it all, Miro:

THIS SHIT IS SHIT. THIS IS LIKE THE CLUSTERFUCK THAT WAS MISS WORLD 2009 ALL OVER AGAIN. FUCK THESE STUPID PEOPLE. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING????!!!!

BECAUSE YOU REALLY REALLY NEED IT, HERE’S SOME CUTE PUPPIES TO HELP YOU CLEAN YOUR SOUL:

Boo:

A really prosh Corgi puppy sleeping with a kitty:

Puppies not for you?

Here’s YOANN GOURCUFF instead:

No? How about my current #1 crush, Manuel Neuer and his yummy guns?

Feeling better now? I FEEL BETTER BECAUSE GERMANY’S GAME IS NEXT YEAH! GO DIE MANNSCHAFT!!!!!!!

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