22 Aug

More of Real Madrid’s drunken celebration this season pleeeeeeeeeaseeeee

After consulting my crystal ball (and by “crystal ball” I mean my full belly that is currently causing my blood sugar to spike), I hereby present my prediction grid for 2011/2012 end results (top 4) for Bundesliga, English Premier League, and La Liga.

As much as I want to try my luck in predicting the outcome of Serie A, Juventus (my first amore) is currently sucking hard and I can’t bring myself to watch any of their games. Sorry Del Piero Eh… has Del Piero retired yet? ~~~Goodbye my looove…

Full unparalleled farsightedness after the cut…


1. Real Madrid (HALA!)
2. Barcelona
3. Athletic Bilbao
4. Malaga –or– Valencia. I want to include Villareal so much but currently they suck. Sorry Villareal. And I also want to include Getafe because they made the best commercials ever. Seriously this club is made of win, from their Burger King sponsorship to their unique advertising skills. Any club that used suicidal koala bear and zombie porn to represent their image deserves a place in the winning circle, but alaaaas… they will always be Real Madrid B forever and ever.


1. Chelsea – I initially put them in #2… but then they got Juan Mata. DAMN YOU ROMAN WHY DIDN’T YOU BUY A NEW YACHT INSTEAD.
2. Manchester City – I saw them play in the last two EPL games and they prove that everyone should be very afraid.
3. Manchester United
4. Liverpool – barring another clusterfuck of injuries, of course.

Sorry Arsenal. If I were you I personally will blame Cesc Fiberglass forever and ever.


2. Borussia Dortmund
3. Schalke 04 (YES I ALSO BELIEVE! RAUUUUUL!!! but there’s also a chance that they will suck. NO THEY WON’T)
4. … a toss up between Mainz and Hannover. Bundesliga is a weird place okay.

Anyhoo, if you win money because of my infinite clairvoyance, I expect you to be polite (I shall email you my account number). If you lose money… um. Bye.


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