Mom

1 Sep

As the neighbors’ house assistants (alias pembantu) started coming back from their hometowns, one of mine has not.

She has been in our family since I was a baby and my mom is 100% dependent on her superb multitasking ability. Apparently she’s been tangled up in her hometown because of — wait for it — BOY PROBLEM.

A husband problem, exactly.

Here’s my mom’s cliffnote version of the events: My maid’s husband; being left by his wife WHO EARNS MONEY FOR HIM WHILE HE SITS ON HIS ASS EVERYDAY, had impregnated some girl. He got kicked out of the house by my maid’s mother (YOU GO ABUELA!), but apparently my maid (bless her) still wants him back.

That story alone could make for a rating-juggernaut FTV series, but that’s not what my blog post will be about.


Here’s my mom’s next pearl of wisdom after spilling my maid’s tea, in my car where I was driving her somewhere:

Mom: “That is why, when you have a husband; you gotta stay by his side. At least be in the same city so you can ~nurture him, feed him, keep his house clean, and make him happy.”


………………………. MOM. MOM. PLEASE. I MEAN, POR FAVOR. WHY.
Trying to establish back our genetic connection, I then retorted, “But if a guy is inherently a bastard, wouldn’t he have cheated anyway no matter what?”

Mom: “Not if you keep him happy and be by his side. That is why I get upset when my house gets all dirty because that means I’m not doing a great job in keeping my husband happy.”

Me:

“……… I don’t think a bastard would care if OUR house gets dirty, Mom. He’s a bastard. He’ll cheat even if OUR house is as clean as the Ritz-Carlton.”

Mom: “What I’m saying is, it’s the wife’s duty to maintain the household’s tidyness.”

Me:

“Nope. It’s OUR duty. And I won’t accept anyone who thinks like you. WE’VE ARRIVED AT YOUR DESTINATION MOM, STEP OUT, TAKE CARE AND BYE.”

Seriously. That happened. I cannot. THAT IS WHY WE CAN’T TALK THINGS MOM. It’s like you’re a Cule and I’m a Madridista. THERE IS NO HOPE.

So Mom,
You’ve raised me well, I ~probably didn’t turn out to be the kind of daughter you wanted (srsly), but:

The last gif is the kind of son-in-law I’ m working on btw. He might be as dumb as a bag of rocks (sorry Reezy), but hey. Smart guys are way overrated. I’m okay being the smartest one in the family.

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