This poor girl right now…

14 Dec

I have been so out of the loop from the pageant world; I didn’t even remember that Miss Universe 2012 is underway (although unlike previous years, this year i really duncurr).  Wouldn’t even be alerted if Atri did not tweet me this:

Full reaction after the cut >>>>

First reaction:

Then she started to speak and oh lawd gurrrrl:

At the end I just want to yank her away from the camera, fan her, and hug her and tell her lies that everything’s gonna be alright because

when in reality:


Like where do I begin.

I know she might have worked hard (although towards what goal other than looking like Brazzers’ new addition idk) and it would be mean for me shred her apart like I usually did so I will try to restrain myself to the best of my ability.

Girl. GIRRRRRLLLLL. Oh my gawd girl. Did they force-feed you with high-concentrated, high-fructose energy drink before this interview or make you snort some sort some pulverized Adderall because GUUUURRRRLL you look high. The High Butchery of English Command aside, why was she all jumpy and breast-pressy as hell? And whoever picked that dress for her… must have mistaken this pageant for Brazzers’ audition (or maybe they’re not wrong lbr) because what the hell.

Regardless of pageants and its non-existent relevancy (Lara Dutta, you’re amazing and this answer you gave made me bow but let’s admit it; you lied gurl), let’s try to dissect what went wrong with Indonesian reps EVERY. SINGLE. GODDAMN. YEAR. Artika Sari Devi doesn’t count because everyone and their grandmothers know that her placement was a gift. Girls that I actually think they got right was Zivanna (the best tbh) and last year’s Nadine (not the “Indonesia is a beautiful city” Nadine). Despite her awful pageant night performance, this girl had the foundation that they could work with and she delivered during the Miss U pageants. At least, dia kagak bikin malu lah. IDK why she didn’t place; because she wasn’t tall enough? Or maybe because YPI held out in the “Trump Proper Wig Fund” donation jar? (would’ve explained the whole Trump’s hair situation tbh).

This year they went with Maria Selena. I didn’t like her during the Indonesian pageant night but to be frank I didn’t like anyone from this year’s batch. She was tall, white (always important in Indonesia), and has that “saya wanita kemayu anggun dan penurut” demeanor that I hate (also paramountly important in Indonesia. I hate you people). Zero charisma, zero spark. To give some perspective, she’s the girl Trump would choose to be his mistress, and not the one he would choose to run one of his companies. In other words: trophy wife material. IDK she could be a Rhodes Scholar in the making (I’m stealing her “spend time with my lovely people” line btw; I think it’s genius and catchy as shit) and I could be eating my words in 10 years. PROVE ME WRONG MARISEL!

I know not everyone could master English even during this age (ALTHO GURL, EVEN MY 4-Y.O. NEPHEW SPEAKS ENGLISH TO ME AND IT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME BECAUSE THESE TODDLERS ARE GOING TO RUN THE WORLD WITH THEIR TAYLOR SWIFT AND JUSTIN BIEBER ADDICTION), but has she ever heard herself speak English? How big was the size of her hubris to think that she could handle the pressure of speaking a language obviously so foreign to her? Did YPI (those evil bastards, I hate them) hold a scissor to her favorite blanket and threaten to destroy it if she chose to speak Indonesian because GOD FORBID an Indonesian who cannot speak any other languages speak in their mother tongue; which btw is actually allowed? (holy run-on sentence Batman)

English butchery aside, her lack of composure just kills me tbh. The sheer anxiety, the moving around, the nervous laugh…. CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD. Compare her interview with Thailand’s, or even Korea’s. Their English was also choppy as shit but they carried themselves so well; you wouldn’t even notice. And her answers……………….. YPI WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THIS CHILD??! DID YOU MAKE HER LOSE WEIGHT BY REMOVING PARTS OF HER BRAIN?  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THIS CHILD?????!! KAK SETO, KOMO, BELU, YAYAN MAD DOG; DO SOMETHING!!!

There is no way to make what I’m about to say less patronizing and condescending but I would say it anyway because it’s the truth: I do pity her. I can’t blame her for trying her luck and getting all the opportunities she would get from this pageant; but holy shit. I know she probably won’t have to work a day job in her life after this and even then she would be richer than you and me; but one day someone she knew would Google her name and this video would come up. Like Nadine C and her never-gets-old “Indonesia is a beautiful city” video; it’s just not worth it. Even though she might invent the solargammarayextinguishfibrallathingy that will save the human race one day, Indonesian people will still remember you as the girl who got a bad tan (WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT?), Syahrini hair, big boobs that she couldn’t stop Racheling, and was so flustered she embarrassed herself on the internet. Or maybe she will get lucky enough and no one will remember her name next year. One could be so lucky.

For the Apologists… LMAO:

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii *dadahdadah*


One Response to “This poor girl right now…”


  1. The “R” Word « NamakuTephy - January 15, 2013

    […] I am writing this I sort of hear a part of me saying to myself “Gurl please you shame these girls all the time in this blog so maybe you should sit […]

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